I’m on my way back from another late night at the library when I happen to glance up. I stop. The inky black is peppered with little specks of light. The night is chill, the air is brisk, and one part of me is begging to just hurry to the warmth of the dorm. But I stand still, head tilted back, watching the sky. The stars are beautiful tonight. It’s times like this when I most contemplate my life. How come I don’t appreciate this more? It seems that in my day to day life, I focus on trivial things like the discomfort of the cold, and I forget to look for the stars.
I hurry from one place to another, stressed, tired, and most definitely not wanting to listen to a lecture on intermolecular forces at eight in the morning.
I hang out with friends, but my full attention is not there. (I’m running through my to-do list for the day, trying to make sure I have enough time.)
I feel spacey as if I’m not really anywhere. My head is always in a different place than my body. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep. I don’t know.
I want to write, but I have to finish an essay and then I have to read a chapter and...oops, it’s already midnight. Maybe I’ll write tomorrow.
I won’t.
I’m so caught up in my head. I’m going through today’s list, crossing off the things I did, lamenting the things I didn’t. Next up, let me organize what I have to do for tomorrow. It’s okay, I won’t obsess over it tonight before I go to sleep.
I will.
I need to finish reading over the lesson before French tomorr--the stars are beautiful tonight.
It’s cold. I should go inside.
Yes, but the stars are beautiful tonight. How come I don’t appreciate this more? My breath puffs out and obscures the sky. How come I don’t appreciate my life more?
Why am I falling asleep in lecture if I love chemistry? Why am I not listening to my friends when they are important to me? Why do I feel absent when I am surrounded by presence? Why don’t I make time to write if I love to write? Why am I so preoccupied with checklists when the stars are out?
Why do I feel like I am wasting my life?
I have friends who care about me. I have family who love me. I am going to a good school. I am pursuing my passions. I have plans for my future. And the stars are beautiful tonight.
I shiver. I hate the cold. I smile, grateful.
The stars are beautiful tonight.